“Welcome to Casino Airlines,” Milan says as he gestures like a flight attendant. On your right, you will notice slot machines for you to enjoy. On your left are table games of all varieties. Behind you, you will find an assortment of facilities, in front of you, I stand here handsomely, explaining the layout, and if you look under your seats, you will find… nothing. You will find nothing because my shift working as a croupier at a kasyno live was horrible! And I’m here to tell you my sad tale, so buckle up and sit tight.
So, my job was really just to do what I did just now and a bit more. I was told it would be simple, but then I saw the list of things I needed to learn for my first and only shift. On a good day, Croupiers have to write and run tickets, provide dice, calculate wins and losses, collect losing bets, and deal cards.
Once I was told I needed to mind the floor as well, I looked at a dealer nearby who managed to smile at my pitiful face. I felt like a young man who’d been put in charge of kids I’d never taken care of. “It’s all fun and games until a drunk man throws chips at your face, and not the kind I’d like to eat!” giggles Milan.
I was assigned to roll the roulette table to start my shift. But since it was already the middle of the night, some players were already wasted, pardon my French. At the table, there was a gentleman who was waiting for his numbers. He’d randomly yell at the table requesting numbers, and I kept giggling my way to glory.
“12! NO, NO, NO! BLACK!” yelled Milan, imitating the man.
He was so loud I thought the table might actually listen to him! The crowning moment of his play was when he needed to run to the bathroom.
“I…NEED YOU…..TO GIVE ME….A WIN!” imitated Milan once more while squirming like he had to use the restroom himself, leaving the audience in chuckles.
The gentleman insisted his numbers were coming, like a prophecy about to fulfill itself, and his full bladder worm dance was necessary for it to come true.
Once you’ve seen an angry lady trying to rip off a table, you’ve seen it all. Since this was my only shift, I got lucky and got moved on to another table, one with chips… again, not the kind I’d like to eat! Nonetheless, the chips have their monetary value on one face and the casino logo on the other. This young lady at the table insisted I sort them to have the casino logos upright. What kind of monster would want this good-looking man to sort chips? Not by their monetary value… but by the side the logo is on!
All right, comply I must. Once done, we played, and she lost her hand on a decent amount of money.
Now, you guys in the audience, how would you deal with a loss?
“I’d sob!” yelled an audience member.
“Oh, dear! I wouldn’t know how to deal with that either! The only things I’m told to deal with are the cards!” laughed Milan as his own wordplay.
This young lady tried to lift off a table that was screwed to the ground! I don’t go to the gym much, but I don’t suppose that was possible. She had to be escorted outside and asked not to return for the night. I can tick meeting a scary lady off my bucket list! Wait… never mind, my mother is scary enough!
So, I had this camera crew following me around, like in the show The Office. I’m no Steve Carell or Ricky Gervais, so I don’t know why that happened. This was done as an attempt to show people that working as Croupiers is not as fancy or fun as one might think. And here is why…
The casino infuriatingly gives out tokens and calls them chips. It did not help that my shift was during dinner time, and the restaurant next door smelled exquisite!
So, this lady, drunk off her wits, walks to my table and places two strands of spaghetti on the table, and yells, “This is my buy-in!”
She was so confident; I thought it was actually allowed.
OK, ma’am, would you perhaps want me to break your long spaghetti into smaller denominations?
Do you prefer Penne or Farfalle?
It took me a second to compose myself and stop laughing at her angry yet confused face. I picked up the spaghetti and told her this wasn’t the buy-in and that I’d need chips instead. She looked disappointed, to say the least!
On paper, the job seemed like a lot of fun, but it was a haunting experience. The sight of a gentleman worm dancing, yes, that’s a thing now, and I’ve coined the term, you’re welcome, or the spaghetti on my table. I wonder if they got the stains out.
“Anyway!” says Milan, snapping back to reality. Players have it difficult in their own way. They have to stay on their toes with decisions, make the right analysis and call on time, and most of all, stay sane to win any money.
Croupiers, on the other hand, have many things to do at once. It’s like driving in Napoli. There are rules, but no one really follows them. You have to stay on top of everything to survive a single shift, and these guys do it day after day, shift after shift. If anything, I have great respect for them.
Milan Rabszski is the editor-in-chief of TopKasynoOnline http://topkasynoonline.com/, which is his passion project and a way for Poles to get information. The website was made by Poles as a way to help their fellow citizens who like to gamble. Their office is at Zlota 59, Warsaw, 00-120. Call them at +48 22 595 14 00; their phone is always ringing with questions. Mr Rabszski also has a podcast that you can listen to at topkasynoonline.buzzsprout.com. As of September 2022, when this was written, Poland’s official payment methods are Blik, Prezelewy24, Paysafecard, Bitcoin, and Ecopayz.
Please note that gambling is against the law in Poland, so the information in this article is intended only for people who live outside of Poland.
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